Juxtaposition - our read for the month of September

[Carter Seagrove]

As promised, here is the full synopsis and background for the story, 'Juxtaposition', which we will be reading and discussing thoroughout the month of September 2014 (The Awakening will be our read for October 2014, based on the results of August's poll).

JUXTAPOSITION

Juxtaposition is simply the placing of two things that are different near to each other. It has the tendency to draw attention to the qualities of each ...

I have subtitled this story a safe sex fable for our times. This recognises both, the increasing number of men becoming infected with the AIDS virus and the need to exercise personal responsibility when it comes to engaging in a sexual relationship. The story deliberately does not attempt:

: to demonize the practice of having unsafe/unprotected sex
: to eroticise the practice or the message, which should be clear enough

The story does attempt to portray the ideas/feelings/emotions and consequences as honestly as possible, with some licence of course, seeing as this is fiction and not a Public Service Announcement.

I have tried to write a 'human' story; sympathetic to the times in which we live; I give fair warning that the story is hard hitting, likely to engender strong emotions and reactions, make you think, make you cry, make you think again ...

So, in, 'Juxtaposition', the encounter is between Emile and Ben. Emile is naive and trusting, Ben is predatory; as with most characters in the story, they have slightly over-emphasised traits. This harks back to the characters in the Medieval morality plays; caricatures of themselves, easily identified by the audience. Throughout, I have given Emile the POV and the inner dialogue, more soliloquy than inner dialogue; and this is partly as I saw the story as a play rather than a film (usually I see the rolling images and write what I see - not as some of my author buddies do which is to transcribe the story which is being narrated in their head and largely without images like the ones I see).

Kristie is 'compassion', unashamedly over the top and extreme in some of her views; her language is pretty ripe but as a character she works for me because she doesn't just sympathise; she is practical and caring - someone we would all wish to know/all wish to be more like ...

This story was written for two reasons:

1) Someone accused me of promoting unsafe sex through my fiction and as I didn't wish to get sucked into that debate, I wrote this story to highlight the growing concern at the rapidly increasing numbers of men becoming infected with the HIV virus; and emphasise the dangers/temptations/responsibilities/outcomes ... I don't promote unsafe sex but that is not to say that my characters don't have unsafe sex - though often I will leave the point mute. I write fiction and fiction demands a reality; and it also demands a licence.
2) I also wrote this story to exorcise a personal demon and in fact this story was the third attempt at it; first attempt came in The Great Dane Saga; the second in, Love, Bytes and Hurts. I was once Emile; but I was luckier than him.

I should say that throughout writing the story, I cried the whole time; my editor cried and I cry every time I read it - it was a privilege to write the story and feel that - for a change - I had so totally and closely connected with the emotions of the characters.

I don't know how you feel about the story; I guess I would like to know the answers to the following questions, as the author:

1) is Emile believable as a character? That's a pretty closed question but if you don't feel that he is, then the story won't hold much water
2) was I right to let him die?
3) should Ben have been apprehended (even if it had only been by Kristie who had simply brained him with a stiletto)
4) How did you feel at the end of the story? Did your view change from start to finish? Since reading it?
5) Would you read it again/recommend it?

I literally can't wait to get your feedback and reactions, of all kinds; that is the lifeblood of the author, to have feedback, to have the circle completed.

Thank you for participating in what I hope will be a fulfilling and enjoyable experience.

Love
Alp
xxx

[chambersmars]

Hi, this is Chambers; just really wanting to wish you all a great read and please join in with me to thank Alp for sharing this story with us because it deals with a very painful memory and it's brave to put it out there and potentially be judged.

Love Chambers

[Darla]

Hi Alp,

I'm so glad this one was chosen, I loved this story. I'd already read it a couple of times but took the time to read it again. I cry every time I read it too. The most heartbreaking is Emile's hope and the desire to be loved only to have that destroyed.

It never occurred to me that the characterizations were exaggerated. To me, they were all very believable and portrayed realistically. I've been in Emile's shoes and know what it feels like to crave love so intensely that I was blinded to the truth about the other person. At a young age, it is easy to see and believe what you want to believe instead of seeing the reality.

I really enjoyed Kristie's character. She is a strong woman that is not afraid to voice her opinion and stand up for herself and those she cares about. Her personality is in juxtaposition to Emile's in this regard. He seemed to have a low self-esteem and the fact that his family rejected him for being gay likely contributed to this. It just proves the point that we all affect one another. Whether it be in subtle ways or in extreme ways. Emile's family and Ben had such a negative impact on him while Kristie had a positive impact.

I also liked how you portrayed Emile's virginity as a gift and how he'd waited to find that special person in hopes that it would honored. I wondered if he had waited so long that it became such an overwhelming need which caused him to fall so quickly and hard. There is also the fact that Ben is foreign. I dated a foreign guy in college and I think because of how different he was from other guys, it made it more difficult to recognize that underneath, he was just like any other guy. It was like not being able to see his bullshit as clearly because of the cultural differences but there was also the issue of simply being intrigued by him perhaps renewing false hopes.

The choice to have Emile die at the end was a hard one, I am sure. However, if you hadn't then the story would not have had as much impact. I also would have thought it more of a fantasy than based on reality if he hadn't died. The reality is that HIV/AIDS is a deadly disease and although medications have been able prolong people's lives, it will eventually kill. My mom's a nurse and she's assisted multiple people at the end. The most devastating for her was when it was someone that she knew. It does happen, it happens to people we know and it could happen to any of us if we engage in risky behaviors.

This story is the epitome of what I love about your work. There are so many subtle layers in your stories that every time I read them, I discover even more thought-provoking gems. I could probably read this ten more times and still not see beneath all of the layers. I'm anxious to read other's thoughts and perspectives as it's likely everyone can find multiple and varying meanings within this story.

[Carter Seagrove]

Hey,

The working title for this story was The Lamb Beguiled; and I guess that is how I see Emile; he was programmed to die as soon as he saw Ben for the first time; a slow dance which leaves Emile over the abyss with only Kristie to stop him falling; but fall he will ... that wasn't so much the problem for me writing the story; the real problem was letting Ben get away ... his own punishment would of course arrive soon enough so I guessed I didn't actually need to have him stoned to death in the streets but how did that play out with you?

[Darla]

To be honest, I'd assumed that he'd went back to the U.S. after he infected Emile and could not be tracked down. When he shows up again, I just made the assumption that Kristie did turn him in to the authorities. Of course, Kristie couldn't kill him herself. What good would that do? I know she felt like it but at that point, the damage was done and she needed to be there for Emile. However, I did immediately assume that she would have reported Ben particularly after realizing that he intended to do the same thing to Hans.

I had a hard time understanding how Ben could do this to someone. True that someone infected him too but did they do it intentionally knowing they were HIV positive? I have to assume the answer is 'yes' but even if it wasn't the case, why did he feel the need to hurt someone else? I just cannot comprehend his reasoning.

I have to hope that my assumptions that he was turned into the authorities were correct. Although this is a different scenario, I imagine that it's similar to rape victims that feel ashamed or even blame themselves so they don't go to authorities. However, if they don't turn them in, then they are basically letting the perpetrator go on to victimize other people.

I suppose if the scenario were different and he was immediately remorseful, realized that what he'd done was wrong and wasn't likely to do it again then I wouldn't feel nearly as strong about the need to report him. It really just depends on the situation so it's difficult to judge. However, in this case I do feel strongly that Ben should have been prosecuted. Regardless if he was eventually going to die anyway, he was obviously trying to hurt other people and would continue to do so until he died.

[Shannon]

I wish this story would be read by all gay men, particularly teenagers. I engaged in risky behaviours when I was younger and was just lucky that I remained clean. It was so easy to get caught up in the moment and to think that something like this would not happen to me. Back then I thought I was invincible and anything bad happened to other people. I think most young people have this attitude and some older ones too. It's why I really liked the POV used in the story.

Using such a deep POV for Emile, brought a much higher level of intensity to the story to the point that I felt I was Emile as I was reading it. This reinforces the idea that it can happen to me. Being privy to his hopes and dreams, made his character that much more realistic and sympathetic. The story starts off in such a way that I was already sympathetic to his plight. Who doesn't fear the loss of their income? Who hasn't experienced depression? From the beginning, I was already feeling a connection to Emile. To first establish this connection and then flashback to how he became infected soon after he first met Kristie was brilliantly done.

Although it's not clearly stated in the story, it occurs to me that the way Ben replies to Emile's question about using a condom is a form of manipulation. He quickly says he's clean and then entices Emile with his enjoyment of going without, encouraging Emile to do it to him first. By doing this, he is saying that he is putting his trust in Emile and that he believed Emile when he said he was a virgin. Ben then quickly suggests how he would then do the same to him. It's a way to basically say, "I trust you so you can trust me." Clearly Emile's demeanour shows that he's naive and trusting so this technique works with him. It's human nature to return trust once it's been given to you. Then there is the assumption and expectation of quid pro quo.

Regarding if Ben should have been apprehended, I would say absolutely. He needs to be prevented from doing this to others. However, I could see this being a distraction if it were written into the story. I'd also assumed that he'd been turned in but to address all of this would have taken the focus off of Emile. Also it goes back to portraying reality. Life is not fair; justice is not always served.

To answer the question as to the impact the story had me, it made me realise that regardless of the reasons for having unsafe sex, it's still a choice and that I could very well have to pay for my choice in the same way as Emile. I can certainly understand and sympathise with Emile but it was still a choice. As I pointed out above, perhaps it was not a clear choice; he was easily manipulated and influenced by his past and his desire to be loved.

My excuse for my previous behaviour was simply that I did not think it would happen to me and I trusted that the other person was telling the truth. That wasn't at all realistic and it's why I'm glad to see stories written like this. I've read other stories promoting safe sex but they didn't have the same personal impact. Everyone knows that they should play safe but they cannot connect to or personally realise the price that they may pay for their decision. This story accomplishes that in a very meaningful way.

My thanks go to you, Alp, for writing it and for putting yourself out there. Although I'm much wiser and less trusting than I was in my younger years, there was always a chance that I could've made an impulsive decision in the future. This story had so much impact on me that I'm not likely to forget it.

[Carter Seagrove]

It's a tough call to put any story out; you bare your soul to a degree; in this it was fully exposed, and to a degree, remains so.

Latterly, I wanted to support Brent Hartinger's The Real Story Safe Sex Project; however, at the time of approaching him, Juxtaposition was not available for free all of the time, which is one of the prerequisites for inclusion on the web page he has devoted to stories like 'Guiseppe and Me' (my favourite of those which I have read so far); in any event, he felt the story eroticised the message. I don't plan to get into an argument over that opinion; once Juxtaposition is in the Carter Seagrove Book Boutique then it would qualify, at least in terms of pricing, to be included in the project; I do plan to approach Brent again to see if he will include it now. Whatever happens, I'll use it, maybe with the other stories which I have written about this issue, to create my own webpage.

However, it would be very easy to forget that in fiction, especially m/m erotic romance, the characters have unprotected sex; often my characters have unprotected sex; though more often it's a mute point. Occasionally I will make it obvious that they are playing safe.

We all know what we should do; if Juxtaposition serves as a reminder then all to the good.

I am no crusader like Brent and I truly admire his commitment. I will continue to write the stories which come and bang on the inside of my head, demanding to be written.

Back to the story; it really did need to be written from Emile's POV so that we had the best understanding of what was going on inside his head; I don't think I could have achieved that with third person narration. The POV also gave itself over to the inclusion of Emile's thoughts, some of which perhaps border on the oblique; indication perhaps that the story came directly from the soul. Literally written in one sitting (rare in itself).

Alp

[Dana]

That's amazing that you wrote it in one sitting. I love the poetics in this story and the repeated references throughout; particularly in the various references to coral and the reefs. The comparison with their bodies, the endangerment of the coral reefs in comparison to how Ben had endangered Emile, Hans compared to the skeleton of the coral and in the end ... that ending just strikes me as the ultimate juxtaposition since the Scot Reefs had started to recover but Emile will never see them having been fatally damaged.

On the flip side, the ending could possibly be seen as giving a sense of hope for the future. With more medical advances and more stories like this, it gives a hope that someday HIV is not a death sentence and that the spread of it will decrease. Perhaps as the Scot Reefs had began to recover, we may also.

I too found the characters realistic and believable. I agree that Ben should have been punished although I'm thinking that the fact that he wasn't represents that the predator is still out there and ready to strike.

I wonder if Bret's issue with the story was the eroticism of the bare-backing. Perhaps he thinks that it would be an encouragement to try it. However, if that is his thought, I totally disagree. That was but a short scene and the presentation of the overall impact of having done it far outweighs the temptation to try it.

I've read several of the safe sex project stories and this one would be a wonderful inclusion in it. A lot of them just talk about how to have safe sex and what is safe - which is good - but most people know this. What they need to see is the heartbreaking results of not being safe, the realization that giving your body to someone is a gift and not to be taken lightly and that the wings that you think you see may not be that of an angel.

I'm very glad that I read this and look forward to reading more of your stories. Chambers' stories always make me laugh and I love them dearly! However, I'm finding that I'm drawn to the poetics in yours. I've read the Inspector Fenchurch mysteries and I think you guys make a great team. I can't wait for The Fanshawe Scroll and hope you all have it ready soon!

[Carter Seagrove]

I always hope that the poetry makes for a bigger/deeper impact; that said, I fell in love with poetry before prose so I guess I am drawn to the lyricism and beat of the poem first and foremost. I also think it helps to express emotions in a way that prose struggles to; for me at least.

These parallels which often occur through my work are a kind of map to understand the nature of all things and how they are connected; as a student of metaphysics, synaesthesia and gestalt theory I find the use of parallels (a key feature of metaphysical poetry in particular) a way of de-mystifying the wonders of the Universe without destroying the magic.

I agree that a lot of 'safe sex' stories are too 'safe'; I did worry that Juxta was too hard hitting but it felt appropriate to push the boundary and deal with the fatal consequences of making a single (and simple) mistake; we are all capable of making those ...